‘There’s nothing called a perfect marriage’: Shahid Kapoor on why couples need individuality, how childhood shaped him and the parenting lessons he wants to pass on to Misha and Zain

Marriage is often presented as a journey where two people learn to do everything together. But actor Shahid Kapoor believes a healthy relationship does not mean losing one’s individuality. For him, a strong marriage is not about being perfect partners or always thinking alike. It is about respecting each other’s differences while choosing to move forward together.In a conversation with entrepreneur and podcaster Raj Shamani on *Figuring Out*, Shahid opened up about his marriage to Mira Rajput, his experiences growing up after his parents’ separation, the insecurities he faced in his career and the values he hopes to pass on to his children, Misha and Zain.His reflections offered a glimpse into how personal experiences can influence the way someone approaches relationships, parenting and success.

Why Shahid believes there is no perfect marriage

For Shahid, one of the biggest mistakes couples can make is expecting marriage to look perfect all the time. He believes that accepting differences is essential to building a healthy relationship. “A good and healthy marriage is one where you know there’s nothing called a perfect marriage,” he told Raj Shamani. Explaining his approach, the actor said that partners should understand that they are not necessarily at the same stage of life or moving through experiences in the same way. “We are on separate tracks, choosing to move forward together,” he said.He added that being together should not take away from either person’s individual journey. Instead, a relationship should give both partners the space to explore their interests, feelings and personal growth. Shahid also spoke about how he and Mira recognise their different strengths when it comes to family decisions. For instance, he said Mira has the final say when it comes to matters concerning the children, while he takes the lead on decisions related to cars. For him, understanding each other’s strengths and allowing one another to have a say can help avoid unnecessary disagreements.

How his parents’ separation left an emotional void

The actor also reflected on his childhood and how his parents, actors Pankaj Kapur and Neelima Azeem, separating when he was around three years old affected him. Although he was very young at the time, Shahid said he grew up feeling the absence of having both parents together. He recalled that his father was not consistently present during his childhood and that he was largely raised by his mother.In his conversation with Raj, he spoke about the emotional gap this created and how the experience influenced his understanding of family relationships. These memories have also shaped the way he thinks about fatherhood. Rather than assuming that children will understand everything adults go through, he believes parents should be mindful of the emotional environment they create for them.

The parenting lessons he wants Misha and Zain to learn

When the conversation turned to parenting, Shahid spoke about the qualities he hopes his children develop as they grow older. He wants Misha and Zain to become confident individuals who learn to make their own choices. He also emphasised the importance of giving children room to make mistakes while ensuring they have the support and guidance they need. According to the discussion, he believes that love, strong values and a sense of responsibility should go together.Another important lesson is helping children understand the value of what they have. Shahid reflected on the challenge of raising children with privileges while ensuring they do not take those advantages for granted. He wants them to develop a sense of gratitude and understand that their achievements should come through their own efforts. The actor also admitted that he would prefer his children to choose careers outside films. Having experienced the uncertainty and pressure of the entertainment industry himself, he would like them to consider a simpler professional path. However, he acknowledged that the final choice would be theirs.

From career insecurities to understanding personal growth

Shahid’s reflections on marriage and parenting were also connected to his own journey of self-discovery. During the podcast, he discussed periods of self-doubt, the pressure to prove himself and the challenges of finding confidence in his acting career. He spoke about how his childhood experiences and personal insecurities influenced the way he viewed himself. Over time, he learnt to look at failures differently and focus on growth rather than allowing difficult experiences to define him.The conversation, published on January 23, 2025, brought together several aspects of his life that are often discussed separately: relationships, childhood, professional struggles and fatherhood. Through his answers, Shahid shared a simple idea. A successful life does not require perfection in every role. Whether it is being a husband, a father or an actor, understanding oneself, respecting others and allowing room for growth can matter far more than trying to meet an ideal.